I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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