You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
