you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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