I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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