oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
