I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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