New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
