you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
