I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
