I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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