Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
