i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
