They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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