Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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