my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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