I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
