the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
