you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
