I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
