we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize