the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
