do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
