Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
