I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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