"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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