Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
