Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize