Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
