Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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