It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
