maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
