It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize