Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
