Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Are we still banned from the library?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
