And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
