question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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