Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize