I want to have your abortion
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
