Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
