I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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