You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
