dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
