and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
