You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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