Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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