We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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