In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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