i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
