i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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