Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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