pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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