Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
