New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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