So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
