At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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