I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
