I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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