Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize