So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
