I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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