seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't turn off my feet"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
