Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
