After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
