She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
