i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
