to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
