my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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