I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
