Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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