i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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