Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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