My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
