im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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