Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
