you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
